A Parent’s Role in Competitive Youth Sports

It’s been almost six months since I originally wrote this blog and I felt that it was important enough to publish it again. There’s absolutely no doubt that if parents follow the simple guidelines outlined below, they can help their children have a positive sports experience. On the other hand, over-involved parents that ignore the advice of experienced coaches and advisors can have the opposite effect on their children.

Here’s the original blog published on December 4, 2016.

I'm the first one to admit that it's hard to figure out the appropriate role to take in helping our kids navigate youth and competitive sports. If you're like most parents, you struggle to find a balance between being helpful but not overbearing. You want your kids to experience success but you know you can't do it for them. It's hard to see them fail but you know that life is tough and challenges provide valuable lessons.

Take comfort. if you're willing to consider and address the issues I've listed below, you'll be on your way to becoming a better sports parent. These guidelines have been developed from the latest research and almost two decades of experience in coaching youth sports. I hope they're helpful.
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• Avoid early specialization. The research and the evidence is clear. Early specialization slows development, reduces enjoyment, can lead to injuries, and increases the chance of burnout. If your goal as a parent is to maximize your child's athletic talent by their late teens or early 20s, then multi-sport participation, at least through age 11 or 12, is clearly the way to go. On the other hand, early specialization typically produces the opposite effect -- young athletes that make the top traveling team and achieve "all-star" status before their teen years but then fail to reach their potential. If you have young children who are interested in golf, you can check out how we bring a long-term athletic approach to golf by visiting our Junior Athletic Golf Academy web site (www.jrgolfathletes.com).
  
• Praise effort not talent. In her well-known book “Mindset”, Carol Dweck concludes that focusing on a child's athletic ability rather than effort is a trap that can harm their chances of reaching their potential. When parents praise innate abilities, children are less motivated to work through challenges and accept setbacks. Instead, by focusing on effort and improvement you will help your child recognize that success depends more on how hard he or she works than on apparent talent.
  
• Find the right coach and then give him or her your full support. Great coaches work hard at their craft. They know it takes a mix of experience, knowledge, and interpersonal skills to be effective. When you find the right coach, he or she deserves your complete support. Without realizing it, parents can undermine their child's coach in subtle ways. For example, giving your child the "okay" to quit an assigned task or criticizing your child's coach in front of them weakens the coach's standing and credibility. I recommend supporting your coach's decisions even if you would do it differently.
  
• "Compete don't compare," Comparing is about "being better than" whereas competing is about simply "getting better." As parents, it's common to measure our kid's performances against those they play with or against. Unfortunately, that mindset traps us and our kids into trying to outdo teammates and opponents. Instead of comparing, just help your son or daughter focus on competing or getting better every day. In other words, focus together on the things that are controllable and you and your kids will find the joy in sport.
  
• Recognize that growth often follows setbacks. I hope you can agree that the best opportunities for growth often come after a setback or a tough period when things aren't going well. It's during these times that your son or daughter has the best chance to learn important values like gratitude, sportsmanship, integrity, and patience. If learning is their goal, then every tournament -- win or lose -- provides valuable experience and feedback.